normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
