If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
