One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
