Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
