My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
