it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
