Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize