she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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