my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
