and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We have started to decorate penises.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
