He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
