Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
