What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
When did angry sex become our thing?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
