Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
