so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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