You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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