If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
