Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
