yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
