sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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