how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Sorry my hands just texted you
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
