my phone needs a breathalizer
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
