Grow some girl-balls and come out already
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
