meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Sext me about skeletons
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
