that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
