I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
