So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
