Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
