Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
