before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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