dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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