I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
