he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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