If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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