Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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