Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
