you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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