He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
