Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
