Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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