I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
