It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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