guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
