you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
