there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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