She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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