note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
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After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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