my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
