I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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