A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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