I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize