I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Can I color on your dick again?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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