why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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