Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
