you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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