May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
