Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
