Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
