you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He felt like a one man threesome
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I will pee on everything he values.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
