if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
