As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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