Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
