i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My breasts were aching with rage.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
