You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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