Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
