Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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