Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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