I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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