yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
a search helicopter?!
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
