Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
