I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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