fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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