god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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