Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
