It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
