As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If its not for food we ain't going out.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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