i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
