she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
