I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
